Looking Back With Gratitude

Hey all!!

Long time no post, huh? Don't worry, I wasn't going to leave you hanging :)

It's hard to believe the last time I wrote a post I was sitting down at my apartment in Dhaka! A lot of time has gone by (a few months) and I've been able to process and think through a lot of experiences from my trip. I can't wait to share with you the struggles, joys and odd times of returning to America after being in Bangladesh for a month. Though a few months have passed in the blink of an eye, I still remember vividly leaving the country and the odd feelings of returning home.

The last few hours leading up to my departure was spent chatting and relaxing with fellow international colleagues I had grown very close to during my time in Dhaka: roommates Nick and Natsuko, and my lovely friend Samantha. I remember anxiously sitting with them at the kitchen table in my flat as I waited for a call from ICDDR,B escort services saying they had arrived. Upon receiving the call, sadness flooded my mind and I could hardly decipher the reality that my time to leave the beautiful country of Bangladesh was current and ready to unfold. Nick, Natsuko and Sami walked down to the van with me below my flat and helped to load my two large bags - one filled with clothes, the other with handmade Bangladeshi gifts- into the back of the ICDDR,B van. Saying "goodbye"was absolutely hard- but in turn I was offered an invitation to Japan by Natsuko, comforted in knowing Nick attends Johns Hopkins school of Public Health, and Samantha at the School of Public Health at UNC Chapel Hill. It is a goal of mine to one day see all three of them again. Hey, who ever said a trip to Japan was out of the question? :) Maybe that will be my next big adventure! We'll see.

It was 10pm as the ICDDR,B escort and I made our way to the airport in the middle of an incredible and chaotic monsoon rain. When I say monsoon, I'm talking up to two feet of rain building up on the streets within a matter of minutes! Since traffic in Bangladesh is widely considered the worst in the world, I had quickly learned to relax and accept the chaos of car rides and traffic as my time progressed in Dhaka- but not this time. Mix together the lack of road rules, lack of drainage systems, the downpour of monsoon rains, and the nighttime sky- I was on edge!

When we finally made it to the airport, I was so thankful to have made it on time with no traffic issues. The main worry I had was that our van was going to crash or get stuck in the monsoon and I would miss my flight! Luckily neither of those things happened. I was dropped off at the entrance of the airport with my two giant bags hanging on both shoulders of my small frame when I began to experience the familiar sense of what it feels like to truly be alone- just as I had felt when I first began my travels a month prior. This time around I had a different mindset underlying the situation. A whole new confidence and an immense sense of self empowerment led me to feel minimal fear and confusion. Thankful for the peace of mind, I made my way through all of the winding lines and to my gate to wait anxiously for my first departure.

In a nutshell, my travels went like this: 6 hour flight from Dhaka to Doha, Qatar, 5 hour lay over, 14 hour flight from Doha to Dulles (Washington, DC), 2 hour car ride with my dad to PA. I remember sitting on the flight from Doha to Dulles thinking, "Am I really on my way home right now?" The whole idea seemed so distant and odd to me even though it was unfolding before my eyes. I had mixed feelings for returning home, as expected. Would I be excited to be home once I got there, or would I miss Dhaka? Would I be pissed off at the way that I live and the comfort I come from compared to the immense poverty I had seen? Would I latch out at people? Would I be grateful for the things I had despite the things I had seen?... the list continued.

When I got off the plane and went through customs, I immediately saw my father waiting for me on the other side of the winding line. I was incredibly excited to see him and almost felt as if I were dreaming as I embraced the hug we shared. The ride home was wild... straight lines in the road, no beat up cars and insane buses over-stuffed with people and crazy honking with children and people running through streets next to the cars. The ironic part was that the traffic was "bad" coming out of DC and my dad was getting pretty fired up. All I could think was, "You don't even know what traffic IS!" This moment was the first I realized that I had a lot in store for me for the coming weeks and months readjusting back to life in the States.

Many things tripped my trigger when I returned home and many realizations of life filled my mind as well. Little things began to build up and nag my daily thoughts: The wasting of "not so good" food, people leaving the water running while doing dishes, the fact that my dog Pugsly (yes, she is a pug!) eats chicken and vegetables for dinner. Though little things such as these kept building and building, the worst part was that I felt like no one would ever truly understand me.  When friends or family would ask me about certain aspects of my trip, I felt as if I could explain my answer to them all day but they would never truly understand what I meant because they simply had not seen or experienced what I had. An immense feeling of wanting to be understood but knowing that I wouldn't swept my mind and I began missing the goofy ways of the beautifully broken and chaotic country of Bangladesh.

Returning to college this fall has been particularly frustrating for many irrational yet real reasons and my mind unfortunately has been quite pessimistic with my current life status. Just to name a few thoughts I've had: I could be spending my time somewhere else helping SO many people with the knowledge I already have, so why am I wasting my time getting an education for myself? How selfish of me! I don't even like studying anyway. Shouldn't I be educating others on the things I already know? The unspoken societal rules of "go to college, get a degree, get a job" are monotonous and annoying- credentials aren't everything. Can I just graduate and help real solve real world problems already?

After getting over those initial negative feelings and thoughts at the beginning of the semester, I can only laugh at myself in retrospect. To convince myself into believing my education and the path my life has taken is a waste of time is beyond ridiculous! I have realized the things I am currently pursuing in my life are leading me to far greater things than I could ever imagine possible for myself. I am blessed to have the opportunity to get a wonderful education and I need to always be grateful for that. I vividly remember being in Bangladesh at the hospital in the ICU thinking, "I wish I knew more about medical terminology, biology and anatomy!" Lucky me, I am currently taking Biology, Anatomy & Physiology this semester to satisfy core requirements for my major. Funny how ironic life is sometimes, huh? It surely is no coincidence. Also, who says I need a degree to have an impact on people?! Am I crazy?! We all have an impact on literally every single person we interact with every single day, whether we realize it or not! Time time is now. The bottom line is that every single little detail of your life is a blessing. Don't ever waste your blessings or wish away the struggles that life brings you. Always look for the underlying lesson in situations and be grateful for every aspect of your life no matter how small.

More recently, I consistently look back on my experience and fall in love with the person it has shaped me to be.  Every day since I have been home, little things have continually reminded me of my experiences and I am able to withdraw only beautiful things from it all.

I am hopeful that in reading the entirety of my blog I have encouraged you to empower your personal ambitions-whatever they may entail- to achieve the "impossible" you have deemed in your life. All of those outrageous things you have wanted to do- GO DO THEM RIGHT NOW! The funny thing about life is we all think we have endless amounts of time. Surprise everyone! Time is fleeting, and quickly at that. Don't you dare wait for something amazing to happen- go make amazing happen. God has given each of us unique opportunities and talents in our lives. It is up to each of us to utilize every single one them to their absolute and full potential.

To write this reflection post, I looked intently through my personal hand-written journal I kept while traveling. My very last entry ends with a short paragraph I simply cannot help but to share with you all:

 "So I got thinking about my trip... relationships & sharing love, joy, sadness happiness... and just life is what life is all about. Some people I met on this trip I will never see again in this life and I fully believe the reason why we crossed paths briefly was to share life and love with one another. I am so thankful for each and every soul I have grown to know on this trip and the love and life I've shared with many"

The time to share love and life is- and always will be- right now.

Summer 2014 plans for me are filled with endless possibilities. New escapades across the globe will surely ensue! Clinical trial work experience, a trip to Madrid for a month to take classes, a global health internship in DC, a nutrition internship, another trip abroad to complete field work.... All I can say is "stay tuned" :)

Always in love and gratitude,
-Caitlin

Last day at ICDDR,B

Another week full of hard yet rewarding work is officially in the books!

 

Yesterday I had a lovely meeting over tea with the head of the Center for Nutrition and Food Security (CNFS), Dr. Tahmeed Ahmed. After I gave a verbal report of the information I had collected and summarized in my case study based on his personal nutritional research and my own observations, he was full of wonderful compliments and suggestions. He noted that, with the small amount of time I spent at the center, I have managed to compile a wonderful amount of information which he is very pleased with. He pointed out that the study I wrote concerning malnutrition protocol is the perfect size for a newspaper report. He suggested I get in touch with the Washington Post or another well-known news company in which I can publish a small piece of work. Offering any help I may need with the process, Dr. Tahmeed spoke of the three main ways this article would be beneficial: education to the public of malnourished children in developing countries, wide spread publicity and further support of ICDDR,B, and a nice kick start that will benefit my professional career no matter what I decide to do.

 

In all honesty, my immediate thoughts were, "The Washington Post?! I can't do that!! I'm not qualified to do anything like that!" After reflecting on a few things I began to realize that other attributes aside from credentials which define a person tend to act as the driving forces of their ultimate success; motivation, personality, communicability, compassion.   I noticed I had put restrictions on myself based on what other people may conclude solely from my education, age, and professional experience. If I had held this negative "can't do" attitude prior to applying for my internship with ICDDR,B I'd be sitting on my bum in Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania wishing my summer wasn't so boring. After all- I'm not 21, not a medical student, not working on a masters or PhD, all of which are guidelines to be accepted to ICDDR,B field experience. Life's too short to naïvely answer questions we don't know the true answers to yet; go find the answers you seek on your own. The answer to every question not asked will always be "no". To conclude, I've decided I'm going to go for it and do the best I can to get in contact with the Washington Post.

 

Fast forwarding..

Today marks my last day at ICDDR,B. I cannot believe a month has gone by so quickly! I withhold an array of mixed feelings to say the absolute least. I am sad to leave the people I have grown so close to and learned so much from within this past month, yet I am eager to come home for many reasons in contrast. The bittersweet taste of "goodbye" sits loftily in my mouth as I receive hugs and well wishes from my colleagues and fellow international students at ICDDR,B. My work here is officially done this go round!

 

Feelings of excitement have been filling my mind when I think of home and returning to the States. I'm eager to see friends & family and I can't wait to eat fresh fruit, salads and meat without the submissive thought of getting sick down the road. Since I haven't worked out pretty much the whole time I've been here, I am getting extremely antsy to start running and doing crossfit again as soon as I get home! I am also eagerly anticipating the completion of my presentation on the case study I have written on social factors pertaining to severely acute malnourished children in Bangladesh. I look forward to presenting my findings to the Mechanicsburg Rotary Club and the George Mason University College of Health and Human Services department upon returning.
 

I walked around the hospital today filled with nostalgia as I snapped a few more pictures of the many familiar sights. I am hopeful you will enjoy these faces and sights one last time just as I did this afternoon.

 

Courtyard area in front of the Center

Mid-morning tea time in the Café

My lovely roommate Natsuko :)

 

A mother in the NRU

My dear friend Samia

Putting flip flips on

Nothing but smiles here!

Little boy copying his mother! Very funny

I surely will never forget those beautiful Bangladeshi eyes

The bulk of the NRU staff I worked with

I am uncertain when my next blog post will be. I am ready to come home and allow each unique experience to soak in before I am able fully decipher the multitude of their impact on my life. As realizations and lessons flood my mind upon my return, I will most definitely post about them! Stay tuned :)

 

Anticipating being reunited with the ones I love,

 

-C.

 

You're Right

 

 

It's Tuesday and officially "hump day" in Bangladesh!

It has been a while since my last post and I've got to admit, I've been somewhat timid to write a new one. I feel as if my day-to-day grind throughout the last 3 days or so has been quite mundane compared to my first weeks here in Dhaka. As well, I'm getting very accustomed to the sites, smells, and sounds that previously left me speechless. Though I am getting very used to the culture of Bangladesh, intermittent shocking images never fail to present themselves! 

Walking back to my flat from Lavender this past Saturday afternoon I was left with more irreversible images. On the side of the road in front of me, I happened to see a man with elephantiasis that sat begging for money. Elephantiasis is a tropical disease, scientifically known as Lymphatic Filariasis and is most commonly recognized by side effects of abnormally enlarged body parts. The disease is transmitted by mosquitos that are infected with active parasite larvae which are then deposited into the host and travel to the lymphatic systems where they grow into adult worms. I previously learned of this disease in a global health course and was speechless to see a textbook image come to life in real time right before my eyes. Since I've been in Bangladesh, I have had many experiences similar to this where textbook images are suddenly right in front of me. I must say, these sights leave me close to utter disbelief at what my eyes are telling me. 

About a mile down the road, another interesting sight was observed near my very own street. I rounded the corner to road 70, one that intersects mine, and was shocked to see a shirtless elder woman in a drive way about 10 feet from me taking her pants off. I didn't know how to act! It's frowned upon for a woman to show her legs in this country, yet an elder woman was walking around almost completely naked right in front of me!! What in the world... I wish I had some reasoning to share with you all, but I have none. I walked right on by trying not to notice, just like everyone else, as I searched my mind for answers that never came. Maybe she had a mental illness? A skin rash that needed immediate relief? God only knows!

 

At the Center, Most of my time has been filled with hours in the air conditioned library on the fourth floor working on my case study. Since I am leaving the country earlier than I initially planned, the process of completing my "mini-study" has been in full swing this week. I have collated all of my questionnaires, growth charts and information on each child into a Word document and will begin the writing process later today. I plan on finishing the written section by tomorrow and will turn in the final copy to Dr. Sayeeda for review Thursday morning. I'm looking forward to finishing my first (somewhat) official case study!

 

I constantly surprise myself with the amount of information I've become so familiar with while working at ICDDR,B and I am incredibly thankful to be here each and every day. I'm baffled when I look around, for I am surrounded by world renowned researchers, doctors, scientists, epidemiologists, and humanitarians from all corners of the globe. The plethora of information at my fingertips is mind boggling and I never thought I'd be intrigued by SO many things!

 

When I decided to study Global Community Health and Nutrition this past year at George Mason, I had confidence in the ideas I had of what my future may look like and where this unique major could possibly lead me throughout my life. On the contrary, I've come to realize I withhold such few tangible perceptions as to what I want to do with my professional life. My inconstant and unfixed cognizance has left me overwhelmed and at a loss of presumptuous direction.

Initially I felt quite uneasy about this disorientation of thoughts, but after parsing my mind and having wonderful conversations with fellow global health colleagues at icddr,b I am quite content with my confusion. Nick, my roommate, gave me some wonderful insight from personal experience and mentioned the value of not having sure direction and being interested in an array of topics. After all, I'm only 20 years old. 

 

Though many people may closely relate my young age with my feelings of invincibility, I assure you it comes purely from my attitude and perception of life. I know I am capable of doing anything I wish and I plan on following my heart and passions no matter where they may take me. After all, the mind is the driver behind the wheel of life. Thoughts are manifested and made visible in the actions you take, so when you put restrictions on what you think is possible those restrictions become your reality. Where your mind goes, your life will follow. Stu once said, "You create your own potential", and I couldn't agree more with him!
 

 

 Enjoy the new day and go do something you once told yourself you couldn't!! It's exhilarating when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself.

 

Much love,

-C.

Connecting the Dots

Hello to all!

 

Before I tell you about my awesome day!...

I would first like to say "Thank you" for all of the support and love I have constantly been receiving from so many of you throughout my time abroad so far. I am humbled by all of the kind words, prayers and love being sent my way. Your support has had a HUGE impact on me and I am beyond grateful for each and every one of you. Cheers to you all!!

 

At the moment, I'm sitting at the wooden desk in my room sipping on some tea as my Friday comes to an end while I enjoy the quiet hum of my air conditioning mixed with the ceiling fan. Time to reflect on the past two days:

 

Thursday I spent the majority of my day at icddrb working on NRU interviews, journaling and reading up on acute malnutrition protocol before heading out to dinner. Around 7:30pm five of us met up and walked a few blocks down the road to a wonderful Korean restaurant called Goong, "The Castle". We stepped up a flight of stairs and into a beautiful, authentic Korean dining area. Upon arriving at our table our waiter brought each of us a small cup of warm pumpkin soup and a beautiful bite-size, spiral-shaped slice of tomato that was marinated in a sweet soy sauce. I could tell I was going to like this place! After ordering, we were given complimentary fried vegetable & fish cakes accompanied by a sweet and spicy chili sauce. It was to die for! Not very long after the appetizers came and went, our main dishes arrived. WOW was everything wonderful! The complimentary dessert was my favorite part; home made puffed rice cakes with sugar, apple slices, and sweet cinnamon apple cider.  Mmm mmm mmm! Come to think of it, I wish I would have taken my camera with me because the presentation of each dish was absolutely beautiful! Following dinner, I  ended up staying in the apartment and relaxing for the rest of the night.

 

Today (Friday) I slept in until 10:30am then made my way to the kitchen to boil water for tea. After a relaxing and uneventful morning/early afternoon, I was picked up by student services in front of my apartment to make a trip to Lavender -local market- to buy groceries for my roommate Natalie. Since she is still recovering from her hospital stay, I offered to do her shopping for her and was generously given a ride to and from by student services.

 

Following the trip to Lavender I met up with my friend Samantha and walked over to the district beside ours, Banani, to go to our local tailor who had hemmed one of my skirts for me. It turned out perfectly, as expected! Before trekking back to Gulshan, we stopped in one of the local bakeries to buy an assortment of cookies and a small fresh fruit cake. One thing Bangladesh is known for that many people do not know are the wonderful Bakeries in town! If you ever come to Bangladesh, be sure to stop at a popular local bakery.

 

We began walking back towards Gulshan and couldn't help but stop at our favorite stores on the way: Aranya and Jatra- which happen to be in the same building. For better or for worse, I spent more Taka than planned, but managed to get plenty of beautiful fair trade & handmade items for myself as well as friends and family members. As we continued on down the dirty roads through the Gulshan 2 circle we made another pit stop, this time at Lavender so Sami could get a few things.

 

Our final destination was La Femme, the beauty salon we enjoyed getting cheap pedicures at last week. La femme is a ladies only salon that offers an assortment of services: hair cut/color, pedicures/manicures, waxing, threading, massages, and piercings. This salon caters to many locals and is extremely popular amongst expats because of the cheap prices and quality of service. I initially heard of La Femme from my wonderful friend Nofi, who has lived in Banladesh for over a year now and works with BRAC bank (NGO).

 

The main reason in coming to La Femme today was so that I could...

 



 

GET MY NOSE PIERCED! They pierced it with an earring gun! The woman shoved that thing right up my nose and BAM it was over in a second. Sami got pictures of the whole process so once I get them from her, I will share them with you all. Now I'm finally starting to fit in with the locals! ;) 

I spent the rest of my evening relaxing with Nick and Natalie at our dining room table. Natalie is feeling much better from her scary allergic reaction and I was pleased to have a wonderful conversation with her that left me laughing more often than not. Throughout the conversation she couldn't thank me enough for saving her life, and honestly I didn't know what to say. I definitely don't feel responsible for saving her, even though she most likely would have died had I not been there to take her to the ER. I couldn't possibly take credit for what happened last week because I know God used me that day alongside many others -the men who gave us their rickshaw, Jill's suggestion to go to the hospital, the amazing doctors and nurses- in order to keep Natalie alive. It's certainly a treat to look back on situations and see how you just so happen to be at the right place at the right time. As well, If you happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time there's usually a lesson to be learned, so pay attention.

The night before I left for college, my father and I sat out on our front porch until 2am talking about infinite topics. One thing he mentioned to me that night was that life never quite makes sense looking forward. He said that we can only follow our heart and knowledge at any given moment because that is what we are given in the present time. He told me of the unexpected and unplanned paths his life had taken and the dots that he could now connect looking back on them. You cannot recognize it for what it is just yet, but in this very moment as you read this blog post something beautiful is happening in your life that can only be recognized and withhold purpose to you when viewed in retrospect.

I challenge you to give up the fight of trying to "figure it all out" and simply let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.

Always in love,
-C.

Field Day and Happiness

Yesterday was absolutely amazing!

I woke up and made my way to the bottom floor of the guest house at Matlab for breakfast. The chef brought out some traditional bangladeshi dishes (chapattis with vegetable sabji, Bengali kheer) as well as a hard boiled egg, toast with butter and orange jelly, and fresh bangla bananas. What a spred!

 

With a very full stomach, I made my way over to the hospital where I met with the Maternal and Child Health (MCH) nurses I had met the day prior.



Walking from the guest house to the hospital

View from my balcony

The nurses walked me all across the Matlab campus and into the different wards while teaching me of the many practices and interventions throughout each hospital area. Amongst the places I went to at the hospital, the Kangaroo Mother Care (KMC) ward was my favorite!



Mother in the KMC with her premature baby

Colorful blankets drying outside the KMC

The view from behind the KMC ward overlooking flooded rice paddies

At the KMC, preterm and underweight neonates are placed on the bare chest of their mother between her two breasts which act as a natural incubator for the baby. Upon entering the room, we were to take our flip-flops off and put hospital-issued flip-flops on to ensure a clean environment for the critical status of the premature neonates. The room was hot and humid to accommodate the tiny babies and left me dripping in sweat after just a few minutes of standing in the room.  The nurse told me that the mothers spend 16 out of 24 hours every day laying down in this position to ensure the life of their child. Because this is such a demanding task for the mothers, they receive support and encouragement from the nurses in the ward.  In many developing countries such as Bangladesh, availability of incubators in village areas is unheard of. KMC is practiced in an array of developing countries and has proven to save the lives of many preterm babies. Just another simple life-saving solution for the developing world!

Front of the KMC ward

I also visited the Neonatal ward, MCH ward, delivery room, diarrheal disease ward, breastfeeding counseling room, Acute Respiratory Infection (ARI) ward and learned of the many interventions Matlab has to offer to its patients in these areas.

Poster with different delivery positions

Delivery room

Part of the hospital

Neonatal ward

After making my way around the hospital, Dr. Fazal brought me to his office and offered me a trip to visit two of the field sites in the area. Happily accepting his offer, I hopped in a van with a nurse and male village based community health research worker. We bounced around inside the van while it flew down the narrow dirt road that led to the first field site, a village based community center. When the van came to a halt, we climbed out and walked along a dirt trail past make-shift homes and women washing clothing in a small dirty lake. When we arrived to the little village community, there was rice, corn, peppers and other crops laying out in baskets and on tarps to dry.

Small path leading to the village

Rice, corn and other crops drying in the sun


I stepped inside the small community room that was made out of metal walls, a tin roof and dirt floor. Inside, mothers sat with their children on plastic chairs and wooden benches that surrounded a small wooden table where a village health worker was filling out papers, administering vaccinations, and educating the mothers. I tried paying attention to the nurse and worker I traveled with while they explained the protocol to me, but the children outside kept sticking their smiling faces through the windows and giggling.

 

Courtyard area in the village

Adorable Bangladeshi boy that kept following me

After walking around the village area a bit more, we headed back to the van to make our trip to the second field site. The second site we went to was down another road that was extremely narrow and elevated from the water filled rice paddies below. The site had a totally different set up. It consisted of three small brick buildings that had been there since the 1970's: two clinical wards and one office building. This small complex is one of four subcenter clinics in the Chandpur area surrounding Matlab. Each subcenter caters to about 28,000 patients.

Entrance to the office building

Training/Meeting room



Take-home delivery package for village deliveries

Entrance to the clinical building

The van ended up having to maneuver off the side of the narrow dirt road multiple times on the way to and from the subcenter clinic so rickshaws, CNG's and tractors could drive past our van that were coming from the opposite direction. The only problem was that the road consisted of a dirt mound built up from the rice paddies and had no shoulder to pull onto so that cars could go by. This ended up being quite interesting!

View from the traffic jam

Hogging up the road

One of many traffic jams on the narrow road

My little fan club

When I returned at 1:30pm and met with Dr. Fazal to review the field sites, he mentioned that he was leaving Matlab to return to Dhaka at 3pm. He asked if I wished to return as well and I decided to take him up on the offer. I had planned to leave Matlab the next day, but riding back with the doctors was cheaper because there were more people in the car to share the fee with and I had seen the aspects of Matlab that I had wished.

After lunch, I made my way back to the guest house to pack up my things. I began thinking to myself... "Do I really want to leave today? have I really seen everything I wanted?" As my thoughts continued I entered my room to find 3 more black spiders crawling on the wall. decision MADE. No way in hell was I spending another night in that room!

The ride back took a total of 6 hours due to immense traffic in condensed areas along the way. I enjoyed wonderful conversations with the 3 doctors I traveled with throughout the excursion. Conversation topics consisted of love, arranged marriage vs. American-style marriage, what happiness truly is, psychology and sociology, the difference between sacrifice and compromise, the simplicity of the Bangladeshi culture, and so on. When I got back to Dhaka I took a nice, hot shower and enjoyed a huge spoonful (or two... or three...) of the natural peanut butter I had bought the week before. I never thought I would miss Dhaka, but I sure did. It was good to be back!

This story im about to tell is somewhat out of place in this post, if considering chronological order, yet it speaks volumes of the Bangladeshi culture and I cannot omit it:

 

On our way to the second field site at Matlab the community health worker asked me what I thought of the culture and the country so far. I told him the most astonishing thing to me about Bangladesh was the happiness of the people. I mentioned how so many people were undoubtedly poor, yet they were so rich in all of the valuable ways in life and all adorned genuine smiles everywhere I went. He replied by holding up his pen and saying to me, "Youre exactly right. We are very happy to have anything, even if it is close to nothing. For example I have this pen. I love this pen and it works great, and that makes me happy. If I had 50 pens this one would lose its meaning to me. Just because one pen makes me happy does not mean I would have more happiness with more pens"

Breathtaking view from the first night at Matlab

Cheers to the joyful people of Bangladesh! May we all withhold the gratitude for the simplicities in life that these beautiful people embrace on a daily basis

-C
 

Officially Homesick

Today I left Dhaka at 7:30am to drive 4 hours to Chandpur where Matlab sits. The drive was incredible! We drove through narrow crowded alley ways, one-lane winding roads that were on dirt mounds amongst rice paddies, large bridges with boats of all sorts underneath... you name it, we drove through it! With about 20 minutes left of the ride, we had to drive the car onto a ferry to make our way across a shallow river to get to the final road that led us to Matlab.

When we pulled up in front of the guest house, it was moderately raining. I made my way inside the 3-story grey building to the small front desk where I  filled out a page of paperwork concerning my stay. A bellman carried my bag above his head as he led me up the stairs to my room on the third floor; two beds, a small balcony and a bathroom.

When the bellman closed the door on his way out, emotions flooded me. I immediately began wondering why I had come and felt utterly alone and just so far away from home and everything familiar. To make matters worse, I immediately saw 3 large fuzzy jumping spiders just like the one I killed in my shower last week in Dhaka. Each time I tried to kill one, it kept hopping away and I had to chase after it with my heart beating out of my chest. This officially pushed me over the edge. My two biggest fears were literally coming to life right in front of me: spiders and being alone. My bedroom was literally my own personal hell.

Avoiding an emotional meltdown, I kept myself busy by unpacking the very few things I had with me. 10 minutes later upon finishing, the same lonesome feelings came back. I remembered the bellman had mentioned something about notifying the cook that I was here so that he would make enough food for me come dinner time, so that was my next task. All I wanted to do was keep busy and avoid being alone because I knew I would bring myself to tears if I listened to the little voice in my head that kept telling me how far away from home and how out of place I was.

The bellman that helped me earlier ended up taking me to the guest house dining area on the bottom floor, which consists of three rectangular tables with chairs. After notifying the cook I was there, the bellman offered me tea and biscuits. We made some small talk through our accents to one another and decided that he would show me to the hospital around 2pm.

At the hospital I met with Dr. Fazal, the head doctor at Matlab. Oddly enough, I do not have a supervisor here yet so I spoke with him about observation opportunities around the complex during my stay. He called in two soft-spoken Bangladeshi nurses from the Maternal and Child Health ward and introduced me to them. For tomorrow, I will meet with them at 9:30am in Dr. Fazal's office and go from there. Official plans while I am here are still in the works.

My meeting only lasted about 15 minutes, which left me an enormous amount of time until 7:30pm when dinner was going to be served in the guest house. Unsure of what to do, I walked along the brick trail that led back to the guest house and sat on a concrete bench that looked over the rice paddies beyond the complex. I have to say, it was quite beautiful.

Once again, I was on my own and my thoughts began to wander. I felt tears well up inside of me and figured I should stop trying to be so strong and just go to my room and let myself cry it out a bit. After all, were only human.

I decided to call my mother after shedding some tears, which seemed like a great and calming idea at the time, but initially just made me cry even harder when I heard her familiar and loving voice. I also spoke with my father, who is always full of wisdom and logical ways to end silly emotions that tend to overrun our thoughts. I am so thankful for my parents!!! We decided that 6 weeks is an extremely long time to be away from home, let alone to be out of the country for the first time on your own in Bangladesh! After throwing around some ideas, the decision has been made to cut my trip short. Instead of 6 weeks, I will leave after 4 weeks. My new departure date from Bangladesh will be the 22nd of this month; 12 days from today.

I initially did not want to do this because I felt as if I was giving up or letting people down, but who do I have to prove? I have been here for almost three weeks now and have seen and done SO many things. I am way outside of my comfort zone, which was one of my main goals in coming here, alongside learning more about the global health field. I didn't want to have an easy breezy, comfortable summer filled with a random waitress job in Mechanicsburg while I'm 20 years old with so much opportunity right in front of me.

I have learned more than I could have ever imagined and experienced a plethora of things I will never, ever forget. With that said, I still have 12 days here; I'm not leaving tomorrow! I still need to tough it out and there are still an incredible amount of experiences ahead of me. After all, I am at Matlab now, in a totally different area than I was prior. After getting some emotions out today and getting my head straight, I'm finally feeling like myself again.

I saw the sun begin to set around 7pm and decided it was probably the best medicine for my soul. I made my way back outside to the cement bench I was on earlier just in time for the sunset to begin. Different shades of cotton-candy magentas and blues filled the sky and reflected perfectly off of the rice paddies below. Muslim sunset prayers that were being sung were resounding all over the fields and my whole body began to relax and fill with happiness. I couldnt help but laugh to myself at the array of emotions I had gone through in just one day.

What a truly beautiful mess we are.

-C.

Expect the Unexpected

This morning I awoke naturally at 7:30am but decided to fight my body's decision to get up. I forced myself to go back to sleep and when I woke again, it was around 10am. No way was I going to wake up at 7:30 on a day off! (hartal day)

 

Around 1pm Nick, Samantha, Natalie and I walked to Banani to get a bite to eat. Natalie is a new PhD student that is living in my apartment with Nick and I. She just arrived yesterday and today was her very first day adventuring out into town! It was revitalizing to walk around with her and hear the excitement in her voice as she asked questions. It reminded me of how excited I was when I first arrived and everything was overwhelmingly different from what I knew.

 

We walked to a greek restaurant that was located within a hotel in downtown Banani. When we walked up to the second floor and into the restaurant, it was drastically fancier than we had anticipated. The staff was dressed in matching uniforms, smooth jazz was playing in the background, the tables were all neatly set, and the walls were a crisp white in contrast to the black accents amongst the restaurant. We each enjoyed separate dishes of pasta, shrimp, chicken kabobs, vegetables, tzatziki and pita.

 

After lunch we walked farther into Banani to another hotel that had a local coffee shop inside where Nick decided he was going to do work. Natalie, Samantha and I bought a brownie and then proceeded to head back towards our district. In search for a yoga mat for Sam, we made our way through a few stores and an outdoor market in the Gulshan 2 circle. With no luck, we then walked around the circle to our favorite market, Lavender, to get food for Natalie. About 15 minutes into shopping, Natalie came to Sam and I and asked us if her face was swollen because she felt a little funny. She did seem to have a little bit of swelling, so we decided to pay and make the 10 minute walk back home.

 

As we walked down the familiar street back to our apartment, we all began discussing the possibilities of the reaction Natalie was having. She had no known food allergies or sensitivities to anything. A few ideas fluttered around in conversation: heat rash, travel stress, pollution, food allergies, normal allergies. We concluded it could be an array of things.

 

When we arrived back at our apartment together, just Natalie and I, her condition had gotten drastically worse and was progressing very quickly. After sitting her in front of the AC in my room with the fan on with a cold compress on her swollen face, I managed to call icddrb student services. I explained the issue and that it was quickly taking a turn for the worse. I was advised to take a rickshaw a few blocks away to the ER at the United Hospital.

 

I helped Natalie walk out of our apartment and onto the street where we hoped to quickly find a rickshaw. Typically, about 5 will flock to us when we walk out asking where we want to go, but this time there were none in sight. Having a hard time walking, she sat down on the curb while I ran to the street corner to find a ride. Just as I began making my way to the end of the street, two men riding a rickshaw towards us saw what was happening, got off their rickshaw and offered it to us. After giving us their rickshaw, they asked us where we needed to go and translated to the rickshaw walla where the hospital was. I am constantly blown away at the loving people in this country; I have had so many memorable experiences with truly loving and caring Bangladeshis.

 

The 5 minute ride to the ER felt like 30. Natalie was having trouble breathing and seeing because the swelling was getting so progressively negative. When we finally arrived, I hopped off the rickshaw and ran to the ER doors to yell in to tell them someone was having an allergic reaction and was having trouble breathing. Quickly nurses ran over with a wheelchair and got the half-conscious woman out of the rickshaw and into the hospital. The doctors questioned me about the afternoon and what had happened. I was asked to fill out some paperwork following the doctors questions when Jill, the wonderful woman in charge of student services, arrived in the waiting room.

 

About 10 minutes later, the doctor came out from the ER ward and told us that Natalie had very low blood pressure, a fever, had gone into anaphylactic shock and needed to be transferred to the ICU!! WOW. Thank God she got to the ER when she did! She will be spending the night in the ICU and will most likely be released into the main hospital ward or discharged from the hospital tomorrow depending upon her recovery.

 

I was absolutely shocked as to how fast things escalated and was SO thankful that the hospital was close by. I couldn't believe how calm I was through the whole situation and am so blessed that God has given me such serenity in situations like this. I am absolutely unsure where my ability to deal with uncomfortable and nerve wracking situations comes from, but I am beyond thankful for it! Most importantly, I am happy that Natalie is stable and doing much, much better. What a way to spend your first day in Bangladesh, huh? What a trooper.

 

Since Jill and I had plenty of time to talk while waiting in the ER and ICU rooms, we had the chance to talk a great length about a plethora of topics. The most exciting news we spoke about was my finalized trip to Matlab! I will be leaving tomorrow morning at 7am by an icddrb van and should arrive in Chandpur within 4-5 hours! YIPPIE!

 

Well it's just about 10pm here in Dhaka and I still need to pack and shower in preparation for my departure tomorrow morning. I hope you all have a wonderful Monday and I look forward to sharing more stories, pictures, experiences and thoughts with you as my time in Chandpur unfolds!

 

Always in love,

-C.