Touch and Go

Another day, another 24 hours filled with shocking, new, baffling, and indiscernible experiences.

Today I was back at icddr,b and spent my time sporadically in the Nutrition Rehabilitation Unit (NRU), Intensive Care Unit (ICU) and individually with my supervisor, Dr. Sayeeda Huq.

When I first arrived, I went directly to the NRU and spent time with the physicians, mothers and children. A few of the mothers were playing with their children on the floor with cloth balls and wooden blocks, so I decided to join in. I took my shoes off and sat cross-legged next to the mothers and children and played catch with a young boy -about six years old- and his little sister -about 2 years old. The young boy quickly became interested in me (probably because I'm drastically different than him!) and was playing with my glasses, my hair and kept running around and jumping into my lap. All of the mothers in the NRU were laughing and trying to keep him calm, but he is quite the trouble maker! He is absolutely adorable! All of the children in Bangladesh have these stunning, beautiful, dark, smoky eyes and bright happy smiles. I am absolutely positive I will have a spot in my heart for these beautiful people for the rest of my days.

Around 10am, Sayeeda came to get me from the NRU to walk me down the hall to the ICU to observe morning rounds. As we make our way around the room from patient to patient, junior doctors present to senior physician Dr. Chisty while nurses, respiratory therapists and I observe. The first patient is less than 6 months old and is suffering from dermatosis of kwashiorkor (skin lesions due to protein-energy malnutrition- in lamest terms, it is darkly pigmented patches of skin that occasionally peel and appear similar to that of sun-blistered skin) as well as septic shock, severe acute malnutrition, dehydration, and no respiratory response. To stabilize the child, she is hooked up to a manual respiratory machine by tubes that run down her nostrils and to her lungs, as well as a saline IV and other various medicines. The dermatosis has affected many areas on the child's body, most dominantly on her forehead. I asked Dr. Chisty what the success rates of the compilation of these problems are, and he said very low. Specifically, this patient has a 50/50 chance of survival though the doctors are doing everything they can to stabilize her. I was baffled by how tightly this baby was gripping onto life and was reminded at how quickly it can be taken away from us; we are just skin thin.

As we continue around the room to hear about the rest of the patients (about 10 beds total) we are interrupted by the ICU door opening and a patient being wheeled in from the emergency ward on a metal hospital bed. The patient is a young boy, probably around 9 years old, who is convulsing and foaming at the mouth. Dr. Chisty cut off mid-sentence to flood the scene with the other physicians and nurses to stabilize the new patient. The physicians work like artists to transform something broken into something full of life and vibrant again. The child had passed a watery yellow-green stool that had an absolutely horrid smell to it. Shortly after, one of the physicians began gagging and ran out of the room to vomit...

 After a few moments, Dr. Chisty returns to tell me that this patient is suffering from severe dehydration and hypoglycemia (very low blood glucose) and is being treated by an IV of glucose. He went on to explain that this type of occurance is very common and that the boy would make a drastic turn around within the next 20-30 minutes. Like clockwork, the child had stopped convulsing and was stabilized by the time we finished rounds on the last two patients.

After rounds, Dr. Chisty approached me individually to ask if I had any questions on the things that he went over during the hour and a half of rounds. I immediately made a point to tell him that I had no medical background whatsoever and was only a global health major and nutrition minor in my undergrad. He reassuringly told me, "You do not need to have a medical background to ask questions in this environment. We are here to help educate you and teach you as much as we can. So, what questions do you have?"

WOW, right?!

I highly doubt there is anywhere else in this world where one could go to even slightly obtain the information available at icddr,b. The amount of research and knowledge on global life-saving solutions the icddr,b releases to the world is truly incredible. The spectrum of knowledge within the walls of this hospital and research centre has left me absolutely speechless. Icddr,b is such a unique place and I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have the opportunity to see and do the things I am experiencing here.

I named this post "Touch and go". Many of you may be wondering, "why"? Let me first explain the context behind this title...

I began thinking to myself today as I was in the ICU, how am I possibly dealing with all of this right now?? I was so calm, collected and in tune to everything happening- and I was subconsciously in awe of how level-headed I was as the events were unfolding in front of me. I wasn't anxious, uncomfortable or nauseated at all. Why? How was I internalizing these things I was seeing? I was watching children cheat death by the second, and yet I seemed to void all sense of complete paranoia and fear of the situation at hand.

On my flight from Dulles to Doha, I began reading a book called The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun. The entire time I have been in Bangladesh, I have found myself resorting back to this excerpt: "The Instruction is to 'touch and go'. We touch thoughts by acknowledging them as thinking and then we let them go. It's a way of relaxing our struggle, like touching a bubble with a feather" (Chodron, 571). For some reason, This has stuck in my mind and has carried me through my experience here so far. I am constantly asked by my parents when we Skype, "How are you internalizing these things? How are you feeling about the experiences you're having? Is it hard to take it all in?" 

To answer those questions... I consistently practice "touch and go". I have managed to look at a situation, recognize it for what it is, accept it, and carry on. Life moves so quickly and we cannot get wrapped up in our own minds or we will simply become prisoners to our own fear and lies we falsely allow ourselves to believe.

I encourage all of you reading this to take advantage of the life you have in front of you. All those things you want to do, GO DO THEM!! It is not hard to act on the feelings and passions you have, you simply have a decision to make. Will you do the things you've always wanted to do, or will you read my blog to live vicariously through my experiences because you are falsely believing the lies you tell yourself about your ability to do the equivalent?

Life is shorter than you think and the world is smaller than you lead yourself to believe. Do what you've always dreamed and don't ever look back.

-C.