The Glass is Always Half Full, Even When it is Half Empty

Man oh man! Where do I begin? It has only been three days since I last wrote, but I feel as if an eternity has gone by!
 

This past weekend was non-stop and full of fun, adventurous things! shopping, rickshaw rides in the rain, pedicures, trips to the local market, yummy local cafés, going to a tailor to get pants made, the American Club...my mind is going off in a million directions! Instead of talking through my weekend in chronological order I am going to share random stories, thoughts and experiences that have made me feel an array of emotions lately.


 

To kick off the randomness of this post, I REALLY have been craving a fresh, crisp salad! In Bangladesh it is not advised to eat any raw vegetables, so a salad was just simply not in the cards for me. Or so I thought! I went to dinner with my friends Nofi and Nick Saturday at the American Club and guess what?! They had fresh, safe to eat salads! I got a large Greek chicken salad and thoroughly enjoyed every bite. Craving satisfied :)

 

I also have been craving peanut butter! Not the crappy hydrogenated Jiffy kind, but REAL natural peanut butter. Saturday I didn't feel like making the 15 minute walk to the local market I usually go to, so I decided to check out the small market at the end of our road that I kept hearing about. I was enticed by the shelf filled with various international chocolates at the entrance of the store, but managed to hold out and continued looking around. The shelves were filled with many foreign items as well as packaged goods and various kinds of rice. I made my way over to a small refrigerator and started searching through the random items inside. A grey container with clear plastic packaging tape over the lid labeled "peanut butter" caught my eye. I asked the store keeper if it was good and he proceeded to tell me that it was homemade and all the foreigners loved it! Without knowing what it looked like or what the heck was inside, I decided to give it a try. I already had an episode of food poisoning once since I've been here and I'm still alive, what's another go? I brought the odd grey container back home and dipped a spoon into the homemade nut butter and WOW was it good! Who would have thought? Another craving satisfied.

 

Backing up a bit... on the way to work while we were stuck in traffic on Thursday I noticed a man carrying a bunch of chickens in a large, round, weaved basked on his head. The chickens heads were all bobbing up and down in every direction 360 degrees around the basket stacked maybe 3-5 layers (of chickens!) high. I really couldn't tell if they were dead or alive!  Shocked by what I was seeing, I asked the people in my van what was going on. A man who has been living here for three years answered my question by telling me that they were all alive and were tied around the feet so that they couldn't fly off. I was blown away!! There is always something interesting to look at here, that's for sure.

 

Today (Sunday) at work, I managed to finally figure out some more details about my trip to Matlab! Tomorrow is another hartal day so I will not be able to travel. No worries though because the guest house in Chandpur is booked until Tuesday night anyway. Therefore, I will be traveling early Tuesday morning to the field site where I will remain for the next week and a half to two weeks. I am SO ready for a change of scenery! The fast paced chaotic life in Dhaka has been exciting but I'm more than ready for some sunsets over rice paddies and everglades! Bring on the rural area of Chandpur!

 

While following Dr. Sayeeda for rounds today, I found myself speaking in Bangla to many of the patients; saying hello, asking them how they are doing, what their names were, how old they were. The conversation would go perfectly fine until those three questions were answered and the patient tried to continue talking to me, in which I then no longer understood anything they were saying. I would then tell them, "Ami Bangla jani na", or "I don't speak Bangla", which absolutely threw them off. When they got confused and asked me why I was just speaking Bangla to them and then all of a sudden couldn't, all I could manage was to tell them that I only knew a little. From there on out, I chose to share smiles instead. After all, I think we can all agree smiles are better than confusion. They also ward off blank stares! Imagine that. I also got to thinking that no matter the difference from one culture to the next, a smile is always understood. Smiles know all languages and relay kindness and understanding no matter the circumstance. "A smile is the universal language of kindness".

 

Recently, I have been missing home quite a bit. I wouldn't necessarily label these feelings as "homesick" because I feel that word is too strong. My heightened senses are fading back to normal and I am becoming more and more comfortable with my surroundings. Walking down town to the market is no longer an adventure, but a trip that is filled with familiar sights and sounds. People pointing staring and talking, chaotic roads with no rules constant honking and people everywhere, rickshaw walla riding head on at me in the streets waving and asking me if I want to ride their rickshaw, beggars running over to me expecting money, naked children playing on the streets next to their tin-walled homes, vendors shoving books and flowers in my face that wont take "no" for an answer, goats and wild dogs roaming the streets, random people taking pictures of me, men riding on mopeds and motorcycles holding their babies on the front while their wives sit sideways on the back, young Bangladeshi men trying to impress me with their choppy English, dirty streets filled with compost trash and human waste, the absolute need to eat hot steaming meals to avoid sickness, and the tangible pollution that constantly forms a blanket over the city. Many people say you go through waves, so to speak, when you spend a lengthened amount of time abroad and I am most certainly experiencing that. Though I am getting used to things, I still have an immense appreciation for Bangladeshi culture and life. Though chaotic and crazy, It works. It is unique and I love it simply for what it is.

 

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from a popular singer/songwriter that I love. I remember reading this a few years back and being in total awe of each word. Funny how I have turned to it years later as refuge for my frustrations and how closely it relates to how I am feeling at the moment:

 

"The next time you don't understand someone's style, language, or way of being, I invite you to pause and be grateful for having eyes and ears to see and hear them. Then take a moment to celebrate their interests the way you would hope they celebrate yours. You don't have to share their beliefs to be genuinely stoked for them. The world is a party waiting to happen. All you have to do is shout "Surprise" and give them some applause for doing their best with what they've been given"

-Jason Mraz

 

 

Cheers to another day in this beautiful life we share. Celebrate life today, every second of it.

 

Smile! :)

-C.

We Are All The Same Blood

Before I get crackin' on this blog post, I'd like to first  make a shout-out to my beautiful, amazing, loving mother! She celebrated her 50th birthday on the 3rd of this month!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!! If you're in Mechanicsburg, take a short trip to my house and give her all the love and hugs I so badly wish I could...

Thursday began much better than the rest of the week! No spiders, no food poisoning.. I was finally feeling like my peppy self again! Work was quite busy right from the start of the day. I managed to type up and organize all of my tedious information concerning the mothers and children in my case study thus far. Whew! Still a lot of work to be done, but I'm more than happy to get the ball rolling.

 

After lunch time in the canteen I began coordinating with student services and Dr. Sayeeda about making a trip to Matlab sometime early next week! Words could not possibly describe the excitement I have for this trip. I feel like I am getting ready to go to Bangladesh all over again! And in a way, I sort of am.

 

To fill you all in, this is the description of Matlab as told by ICDDR,B:

 

"ICDDR,B maintains one of the richest, most comprehensive and longest running, longitudinal data resources in the developing world, producing regular accurate demographic and health data for rural Bangladesh. With over 40 years of continuous demographic information on a population of over 200,000 people, Matlab is our major rural field site, and major public health resource for the world. The site is a model for public health strategies around the world. Public health decision makers often refer to Matlab to understand underlying factors that are important for making decisions regarding intervention design" (iccdrb.org)

 

Matlab is located in the rural area of Chandpur, Bangladesh and is surrounded by rice paddies as well as other rural farming areas. This trip (two weeks, give or take) will open my eyes to the truest colors of this beautiful country. Where I am in Dhaka is very unique to Bangladesh, but is the capital city and only a small sliver of the whole cake. Most of the country is rural and reflects the landscape that Matlab is submersed in. Though I have absolutely cherished all of my experiences in Dhaka so far, I cannot wait to go to the rural area of Chandpur and experience the traditional culture of Bangladesh.

 

Most importantly, I am eager to learn more about the prevention side of the problems plaguing this country. Aside from its' world renowned research, Matlab contains a Community Health Research Branch that focuses on maternal and child health in the community as well as community based interventions.

From spending time at the icddr,b hospital in Dhaka and learning about treatments, I have discovered my interests lie in preventing problems before people reach the point where they need a clinic. Nearly all of the patients that come through the doors of the icddr,b hospital have health issues that are 100% PREVENTABLE!

I will most likely be leaving for Matlab Monday morning :) As always, I will keep you up to date!

 

Thursday wound down as I spent my last 45 minutes conversing with the staff members and mothers in the NRU. Apon, the baby boy with the HUGE smile, is being discharged Sunday because he has met his suggested growth and weight marks set by the NRU physicians. Since Thursday was most likely the last time I would see him or his mother, I took the time at the end of my day to make sure I handed the pictures of Apon I took last week to Bokul, his mother. Upon receiving the computer-paper covered with a black and white photo of her smiling baby boy, Bokul's face lit up and she was immediately showing everyone in the NRU. 

 

I started to get a sinking feeling; this was one of the first mothers I formed a relationship with and today was the last day I would see her, most likely for the rest of my life. By translation help from a staff member, I told Bokul what a wonderful loving mother she is, that I will miss seeing her and Apon, and that I enjoyed getting to know them. After a few minutes of jumbled Bangla, Bokul had unknowingly spoken some of the most touching words I have ever heard, ones that I will cherish for the rest of my days. The staff member translated back to me that Bokul enjoyed being around me simply because I treated her the same even though she is poor, dirty, uneducated, and from the slums.

 

The staff member, after translating what Bokul had said, pointed to me and said, "You know, you have red blood, I have red blood, a black man has red blood. We all have red blood. We are all the same, we are all human. God views us all the same, therefore we are all the same". 

 

My heart was immediately full. I had just spent a whole day filling out paperwork, feeling inadequate and as if the work I was doing was only for my benefit and wasn't changing anything in the lives of the people around me. What a great reminder as to how important it is to constantly treat people with compassion and love. I am persistently reminded each and every day that even though we may feel as if we are not making a difference in other peoples lives, we are absolutely having an effect on others through our relationships and encounters with them.

 

Be love.

-C.

 

Food Poisoning and Shower Catastrophes

Yesterday was possibly one of the worst days I've ever had. I woke up at 6:30am with a horrible stomach ache and spent literally the whole day going back and forth from my bed to the bathroom. I didn't eat anything all day and could barely keep down the homemade oral rehydration solution (ORS) I drank. Trying to stay hydrated was definitely a challenge and I'm sure that's why I slept most of the day in between consistent vomiting and diarrhea episodes.  The worst part was no matter what position I laid down in, I could not get comfortable. My stomach hurt no matter what I did and I had to just let it run its course. From the way this sickness came on so fast, I believe I contracted food poisoning of some sort. By about 8pm, I finally found a position to lay in where my stomach didn't hurt; on my back with my feet in the air resting on the headboard of my bed. Standing up was another story...

I woke up this morning feeling better but still exhausted and totally drained. Something inside me convinced me to get up, shower, and head to work. After two hours at the icddrb, I decided to get a ride back to my flat because I just couldn't hang. My head is still in the clouds. Simple tasks, like walking up flights of stairs, leave me winded and my heart beating extremely fast.

Last weekend I bought a green coconut from a fruit stand down the street but hadn't gotten around to opening it and drinking the water inside. It is such a blessing I procrastinated opening it! Coconut water is filled with plenty of electrolytes and naturally occurring hydrating complexes, so I figured today was the best day to bust into the tasty, hydrating water. My Opa (grandpa) suggested I leave the coconut in the fridge so that when I did open it, the water would be cold. I am so thankful for his suggestion! I opened and drained it this afternoon and enjoyed the cold, fresh, coconut water inside. For now, I'm sending myself some positive thoughts for a better evening.

Monday, on the other hand, was an exciting day! It began with a large, furry, jumpy, black spider on the ceiling in the shower that I very anxiously killed all by myself with a tissue box. I am deathly afraid of spiders and am pretty positive out of all the experiences I've had in Bangladesh so far, killing that damn spider was by far the most nerve wracking moment. Laugh all you want, but it was terrifying.

When I arrived at icddr,b on Monday, I went up to the library and began to work on a few things. While I was sitting down in one of the lounge chairs, a man came and sat two chairs down from me. I glanced over at him out of curiosity and noticed he was just sitting there, staring straight ahead.  I followed his line of sight and saw another man taking a picture of him next to me. I am uncertain if I will ever get used to things like this! It is not uncommon though.

After getting some work done in the library, I headed down to the long stay ward to interview two of the mothers (with translation help from Dr. Adib) which are a part of my case study. So far, I have four children that are a part of my study. Each child that I am following is under 6 months and is suffering from a combination of acute watery diarrhea, fever, and severe acute malnutrition. I will be following each child from their acute phase in the long stay ward until they are released from the NRU. I will be tracking the nutritional interventions used as well as the child's progression throughout their stay. When all said and done, I'll be writing a case study that I will submit to my supervisor outlining my findings.

After work, Nick and I walked down to Lavender (local market) in Gulshan Circle 2 to get laundry detergent for our housekeeper as well as a few snacks for ourselves. Covered in sweat from the heat and humidity outside, I decided to hop in a shower when we returned. The bottom of my shower is a tub that is shaped like a half pipe, and ive been very weary of slipping and falling on many occasions because of its odd shape. Well, it was my lucky day. While I was washing my face, I lost my balance and stepped backwards onto the slanted side of the tub. I tried to catch myself by grabbing onto the shower curtain, but fell backwards and  ripped the curtain off of the plastic rings it was being held onto and broke ALL of the plastic rings. Needless to say, I landed on my back in the  middle of the bathroom floor covered in the shower curtain, laughing hysterically. It all happened so fast and I couldn't help but absolutely lose myself in laughter! The whole situation was hilarious, especially because I still needed to wash the conditioner out of my hair and the soap off of my face. I managed to hang the curtain back up haphazardly and decided to call it a day. Between the spider scare and the epic fall, Monday started and ended with memorable shower incidents.

Each day unique in its own respect, I've enjoyed them all so far. I hope whatever you may be up to, you are enjoying yourself  as well.

Sending love and gratitude to each of you!

-C.

A Day in Pictures

Sunday rolled around with plenty of work to be done at icddr,b. Since I managed to snap an array of wonderful pictures, I have decided to let them do most of the talking in this post. I hope to give each of you a better understanding of my days here at icddr,b:

The entrance to the centre

This mothers' name is Bokul and her son, Apon, is 4 months old. Apon is suffering from severe malnutrition and stunting. Her husband works by making rice milk powder and she lives in the suburbs of Dhaka. She has one other child, a 6 year old boy, who wants to be a doctor when he grows up. She has not had any proper schooling.

This is a shot of Dr. Chisty leading morning rounds in the long stay ward. As you can see, he is surrounded by junior doctors and nurses who are intently listening.

This little girl was at the Long Stay Ward with her baby brother and mother. Since her mom did not have anyone else to watch her, she brought her daughter to the hospital as well. Her brother is suffering from severe acute malnutrition. At first glance, you may think this girl is around 4-5 years old... guess again! She was a stunted child and is actually 9 years old. She seemed very interested in me, like most people here, and followed me around the ward as we finished up rounds.

My supervisor, Dr. Sayeeda Huq 

This is what all of the hospital beds look like. Each has a small mattress with a hole in the middle

for waste purposes; buckets are below the beds to catch the waste that falls through the hole. New plastic coverings such as this one are placed atop the mattresses and cleaned as new patients arrive.

 

A mother in the long stay ward with her child

Looking down the hall in the LSW

Mother: Majida, 17 years old. Father: Shumar, 21 years old. Married for two years. Their sons' name is Masud, 8 months,  and is suffering from severe stunting and acute malnutrition. I will be monitoring Masud throughout my stay at the centre. He is currently in the acute phase and the parents have agreed to go to the Nutrition Rehabilitation Unit following the acute phase.

 

Working hard, or hardly working? You decide

Mother, Rehana, in the NRU. Her son, Tofajeel is 2 years, 3 months. Her husband is a fisherman and she has 7 other children-- the oldest is 24. She was married off at age 12 and has had no formal education. Her daughters have been educated up to class 3 and her sons have been educated up until class 5.

Shundu Apon! Apon and his mother were pictured earlier. This adorable baby lights up any time I walk over to him, tickle his belly and say his name in a high pitch tone. This mother is absolutely wonderful with her child. I had a staff member translate for me and tell her I think she is a wonderful mom. She replied by saying thank you, but although she is a good mother and does everything she knows, she still fails to ward off malnutrition. I cannot wait to learn more about the public health field so that I can fix problems like this one.

A new baby in the NRU getting saliva swabbed for testing

A beautiful Banladeshi girl

Mother and child. This mother is the same age as me, 20.

This girl was hit by a rickshaw while running across rush-hour traffic and was left with a broken leg. She is in the NRU with her mother and baby sister- who is being treated for malnutrition.

A few of the mothers and myself. This is the only place in the world I will be considered "tall". I am 5'4.. These mothers were most likely stunted as children, just as their own children are now. The nutrient deficiencies and malnutrition problems consuming this country are unmistakably visible everywhere.

 

 

Many of you may be wondering how people react when I take their pictures; to answer that question, most of them have never seen a camera (let alone a digital one) and are extremely thrilled to see pictures of themselves and their children. I have built up relationships with most of these beautiful people and have made a deal with them to get black and white printed copies of the pictures for their own keepsake. What a rewarding, simple task.

 

 Though I have not particularly shared information with you all about the clinical research and protocol here at the hospital, I assure you I have learned infinitely more in the past week than I thought possible. If you have any direct questions for me, please do not hesitate to send me an email at ceberly@masonlive.gmu.edu ! You will not be bothering me by any means and I have a decent amount of free time on my hands each day. I would love to answer your questions!

 

I am currently sitting in the library on the fourth floor and am about to walk down to the long stay ward to meet with Sayeeda for morning rounds. Another day in the life!

 

-C.

 

 

Expats at Mermaid cafe

"Forecast for Dhaka, Bangladesh. 91 degrees, hazy sunshine. Feels like 111 degrees."

Walking out onto my balcony at 7:30 am on Saturday morning hoping to enjoy a nice breeze, I was bombarded with immense heat and humidity. I quickly turned back inside and mustered every ounce of motivation I had to complete a small workout in my room. With limited space, I managed some body-weight exercises and a lot of jump roping. Keeping fit while traveling isn't as hard as people led me to believe!

The morning then dragged on slowly as I listened to music, caught up on some work, and relaxed. For lunch, I heated up some left over boiled egg with chanadal and chapattis that Yasmin and Sumitra made earlier in the week. Yum!  

Around 4pm, my friend Nofi and I took a rickshaw into Banani, a district next to ours, to do some shopping! We rode around the crowded streets and eventually made our way to stores Aranya and Jatra. The stores were filled with beautiful patterned clothing as well as earrings, bags, house accessories, quilts, and so on. It was like walking into a Bangladesh specialized Ten Thousand Villages that had acquired a clothing line! I'm not much of a shopper, but I could have stayed in those shops looking at trinkets and handmade items for days!

A few pictures from the afternoon:

 Our view looking out the rickshaw

 

 Busy street in Gulshan 2 Circle

 Rickshaw walla taking a break on the side of the road

Men working hard in the midday heat

 

 Fresh coconuts!

 

A rickshaw walla alongside his decorated prized possession. All of the Rickshaws are decorated with beautiful colors, traditional patterns, and paintings. Each a unique, beautiful expression of Bangladeshi art found all over Dhaka.

 

 

I came back to the flat around 6 pm or so while Nick was getting ready to go downtown to meet up with a few other expatriates (expats for short) at a local hot spot, Mermaid Café. Nick and I strolled down the local roads until we reached the northeast side of Gulshan 2 circle where the café was located. Off the dirty, busy streets we marched up 2 flights of  stairs and into a hip, bohemian, beachy lounge. The crowd was mostly young Bangaladeshi as well as international people wearing a combination of western and traditional clothing.

Through the tables, we made our way over to the group of people Nick had met the night before. Each was associated with various NGO's, public health systems, sustainability programs, developing world organizations and so on. I was delighted to meet a large group of other international students and expats! Each person I met had a wonderful story to share encompassing their many travels and studies throughout their lives so far. It was incredibly wonderful to meet people in similar situations as myself. The best aspect of meeting people abroad, Nick pointed out, is that you don't have to have immense amount of things in common. You end up meeting people you normally wouldn't and you instantly become wonderful friends from the moment you shake hands and share stories.

Mostly for advertisement purposes, many makeshift "film crews" were filming the bands as well as the people in the crowd. Unfortunately for our group, we were filmed quite a bit. The staring and picture taking of westerners is very common, yet I am uncertain if I will ever get used to it before my time comes to an end in Bangladesh.

The night wound down as a band from Calcutta played some of the most interesting music I have ever heard. The band consisted of 4 middle-aged men: a guitarist, bassist, drummer, and a poet. The lead guitarist explained how their music came directly from raw feelings and emotions relating to certain experiences and thoughts that have occurred in their lives. The band members played interesting melodies as the poet free-styled periodically in conjunction with already typed, intricate thoughts. Though very different music, I found myself getting lost in the words and sounds as I sank deeper into my own thoughts. I had to keep reminding myself where I was.

We arrived back home around 11pm and I was absolutely exhausted. I skyped Stu for a little before crawling into bed, that of which I fell into a deep sleep immediately upon laying my head down.

As days continue to pass I think of home and miss certain people, sights, smells and sounds from America. When feelings of longing flood my mind and I start to miss these things, I find myself looking around at all of the beautiful sights surrounding me and my heart is quickly filled again . I know when I leave Bangladesh in a few weeks, I will feel the same feelings I do now about home but vice versa. Once again I remind myself to "touch and go".
 

No Destination

At the moment, it is 9:18am on Saturday and I'm sitting at the desk in my room. I have already drank a cup of tea and am now relaxing until the day begins! I plan to go shopping with my friend, Nofi, at some point to get more salwar kameez. I am currently rotating between 3 different outfits and  have been here for about a week now; it is time for some more traditional clothing!

Yesterday (Friday) started out quite slow. Since the weekends here are marked Friday-Saturday, I had a free day ahead of me. I mistakenly forgot to turn off the 6:30am alarm on my phone and was awoken abruptly. Though I couldn't manage to fall back asleep, I was able to catch up with Stu on Skype before he ended his day on the other side of the world in Michigan. I am still so intrigued by the large time change from the US to Bangladesh-- I awake a day ahead as you all fall asleep a day behind.

I spent most of the afternoon reading, journaling, and relaxing outside on my balcony. I sat and listened to exotic birds chirping in the treetops across the street, cars honking, rickshaw bells dinging, people walking by below speaking in Bangla, tennis balls being hit back and forth across the street at the American Club, and odd music being played somewhere off in the distance. The weather was overcast, obstructing the sun from bringing the temperature too high. The humidity had dropped quite a bit and the breeze outside was more than enjoyable. Jakir had left early in the morning to travel north to visit family and Nick was in his room hard at work.

Around 2-3pm, Nick and I finally made our way out the door. We had hoped to travel to a local bazaar or mosque, but unfortunately found many popular sights in Dhaka to be farther than we thought. Lack of time in the day and knowledge of how to get as far as we needed, we decided to save those trips for another day.

In days prior, Nick spoke of a local café/coffee shop in the district next to ours that a friend had told him about.  With no plans, we headed in that direction. We walked passed many food stands, makeshift hair barbers, and various huts that came right up to the edge of the sidewalk that were made out of a plethora of materials. We made our way to the main circle in downtown Gulshan 2 and continued on across the bridge over Gulshan Lake into Baridhara.

Trash built up in the lake

 Nice view over Lake Gulshan

You will see in this picture that two boys are holding hands. This is very common, even amongst older men. Though we view this as a sign of homosexuality in the US, it is a sign of friendship here in Bangladesh.





Once we crossed the bridge, there was an open field filled with many random goats as well as boys playing a game of cricket.

 Making our way along the street, we found the North End Café and decided to bop on in. We walked up a flight of stairs off the dirty, busy street and into a western-looking coffee shop. Nick described it, "like Starbucks but with good coffee". In reference to his joke, this specific café roasts their own coffee beans! The aroma filling the place was amazing.

After a few minutes of walking down the street to continue our adventure that had no destination, the clouds opened up and almost immediately flooded the roads. Some people found shelter underneath the overhangs of buildings and small shacks on the side of the road while others continued on as if the rain were not there at all. After walking through the rain for a few minutes, Nick and I stood under an overhang with locals hoping for the rain to cease. It never did.

Peering aimlessly down at my soaked feet, I caught a glimpse of my gratitude tattoo. I was instantly reminded to be grateful for where I was; The rain, the people, the personal struggle of my flip flops slipping off with each step I took in the flooded streets.. I found myself being so full of happiness that I couldn't help but laugh at the sky as it opened upon me. It is constant, simple moments like this that I realize how sweet life truly is.

With a clear view that the rain wasn't going to quit, we started back into the rain to get back to our flat. About halfway, we decided to ride a rickshaw the rest of the way.

A map of our journey! The red "A" is where our flat is located. The red line marks where we walked, the blue marks our rickshaw ride back home.

I arrived at our flat soaking wet with all of my clothes sticking to me. I hopped in a nice warm shower and put some comfortable clothes on. Nick and I spend the next few hours watching Frost/Nixon and eating take-out Thai food. He left around 9:30pm to meet with a friend of a friend in the area while I hung back and wrote in my journal a bit more.

My mind was running rampant last night, so I took advantage of the thoughts flowing through me and attempted to put far-off thoughts into tangible words. One thing that ran through my mind was, how incredible would it be if we could be every place we wished at once? Hypothetically, I would have gone home for the night to be with my parents to talk with them and let them know how much they mean to me. I'd wake up in Bangladesh and explore for a few hours before spending the evening with Stu in Michigan. The following day I would wake up in California to see my brother, Charlie...

Our minds are beautifully made, filling us with ideas of infinite measure.

I hope each of you are having beautiful summer days full of new experiences with the people you love! I challenge you to find good in even the most mundane activities of your life-- let go of frustration and search for gratitude in all that you do. I promise you wont be disappointed.

Always in love,

-C.

Touch and Go

Another day, another 24 hours filled with shocking, new, baffling, and indiscernible experiences.

Today I was back at icddr,b and spent my time sporadically in the Nutrition Rehabilitation Unit (NRU), Intensive Care Unit (ICU) and individually with my supervisor, Dr. Sayeeda Huq.

When I first arrived, I went directly to the NRU and spent time with the physicians, mothers and children. A few of the mothers were playing with their children on the floor with cloth balls and wooden blocks, so I decided to join in. I took my shoes off and sat cross-legged next to the mothers and children and played catch with a young boy -about six years old- and his little sister -about 2 years old. The young boy quickly became interested in me (probably because I'm drastically different than him!) and was playing with my glasses, my hair and kept running around and jumping into my lap. All of the mothers in the NRU were laughing and trying to keep him calm, but he is quite the trouble maker! He is absolutely adorable! All of the children in Bangladesh have these stunning, beautiful, dark, smoky eyes and bright happy smiles. I am absolutely positive I will have a spot in my heart for these beautiful people for the rest of my days.

Around 10am, Sayeeda came to get me from the NRU to walk me down the hall to the ICU to observe morning rounds. As we make our way around the room from patient to patient, junior doctors present to senior physician Dr. Chisty while nurses, respiratory therapists and I observe. The first patient is less than 6 months old and is suffering from dermatosis of kwashiorkor (skin lesions due to protein-energy malnutrition- in lamest terms, it is darkly pigmented patches of skin that occasionally peel and appear similar to that of sun-blistered skin) as well as septic shock, severe acute malnutrition, dehydration, and no respiratory response. To stabilize the child, she is hooked up to a manual respiratory machine by tubes that run down her nostrils and to her lungs, as well as a saline IV and other various medicines. The dermatosis has affected many areas on the child's body, most dominantly on her forehead. I asked Dr. Chisty what the success rates of the compilation of these problems are, and he said very low. Specifically, this patient has a 50/50 chance of survival though the doctors are doing everything they can to stabilize her. I was baffled by how tightly this baby was gripping onto life and was reminded at how quickly it can be taken away from us; we are just skin thin.

As we continue around the room to hear about the rest of the patients (about 10 beds total) we are interrupted by the ICU door opening and a patient being wheeled in from the emergency ward on a metal hospital bed. The patient is a young boy, probably around 9 years old, who is convulsing and foaming at the mouth. Dr. Chisty cut off mid-sentence to flood the scene with the other physicians and nurses to stabilize the new patient. The physicians work like artists to transform something broken into something full of life and vibrant again. The child had passed a watery yellow-green stool that had an absolutely horrid smell to it. Shortly after, one of the physicians began gagging and ran out of the room to vomit...

 After a few moments, Dr. Chisty returns to tell me that this patient is suffering from severe dehydration and hypoglycemia (very low blood glucose) and is being treated by an IV of glucose. He went on to explain that this type of occurance is very common and that the boy would make a drastic turn around within the next 20-30 minutes. Like clockwork, the child had stopped convulsing and was stabilized by the time we finished rounds on the last two patients.

After rounds, Dr. Chisty approached me individually to ask if I had any questions on the things that he went over during the hour and a half of rounds. I immediately made a point to tell him that I had no medical background whatsoever and was only a global health major and nutrition minor in my undergrad. He reassuringly told me, "You do not need to have a medical background to ask questions in this environment. We are here to help educate you and teach you as much as we can. So, what questions do you have?"

WOW, right?!

I highly doubt there is anywhere else in this world where one could go to even slightly obtain the information available at icddr,b. The amount of research and knowledge on global life-saving solutions the icddr,b releases to the world is truly incredible. The spectrum of knowledge within the walls of this hospital and research centre has left me absolutely speechless. Icddr,b is such a unique place and I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have the opportunity to see and do the things I am experiencing here.

I named this post "Touch and go". Many of you may be wondering, "why"? Let me first explain the context behind this title...

I began thinking to myself today as I was in the ICU, how am I possibly dealing with all of this right now?? I was so calm, collected and in tune to everything happening- and I was subconsciously in awe of how level-headed I was as the events were unfolding in front of me. I wasn't anxious, uncomfortable or nauseated at all. Why? How was I internalizing these things I was seeing? I was watching children cheat death by the second, and yet I seemed to void all sense of complete paranoia and fear of the situation at hand.

On my flight from Dulles to Doha, I began reading a book called The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun. The entire time I have been in Bangladesh, I have found myself resorting back to this excerpt: "The Instruction is to 'touch and go'. We touch thoughts by acknowledging them as thinking and then we let them go. It's a way of relaxing our struggle, like touching a bubble with a feather" (Chodron, 571). For some reason, This has stuck in my mind and has carried me through my experience here so far. I am constantly asked by my parents when we Skype, "How are you internalizing these things? How are you feeling about the experiences you're having? Is it hard to take it all in?" 

To answer those questions... I consistently practice "touch and go". I have managed to look at a situation, recognize it for what it is, accept it, and carry on. Life moves so quickly and we cannot get wrapped up in our own minds or we will simply become prisoners to our own fear and lies we falsely allow ourselves to believe.

I encourage all of you reading this to take advantage of the life you have in front of you. All those things you want to do, GO DO THEM!! It is not hard to act on the feelings and passions you have, you simply have a decision to make. Will you do the things you've always wanted to do, or will you read my blog to live vicariously through my experiences because you are falsely believing the lies you tell yourself about your ability to do the equivalent?

Life is shorter than you think and the world is smaller than you lead yourself to believe. Do what you've always dreamed and don't ever look back.

-C.